I've spent the last three weeks helping Sue get comfortable in her new place in Kelowna, and I would like to share my reward with you. When I first saw him we connected, I knew he must be mine. I told Sue to ask her realtor Ken to include him in the deal to purchase the property. The prospects looked grim for our relationship, but Sue managed to procure him for my edification from the previous owner. Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you........Otis !!!
Now many of you are thinking, "a porch negro - so what", and shame on you for that. In this new enlightened age perhaps a more appropriate term might be "porch quadroon" or "porch decoration of color", but that isn't the point. Otis is the perfect kitschy ornament from a long forgotten age, the sixties. I simply love all that weird 60's shit like lamps, ashtrays, coffee tables, etc. I would stake my reputation that Don Draper had a similar companion. I like to think of him as the Tubbs to my Crockett. And please before anyone pulls the race card, I am not a racist. Neither am I prejudice, rather I am postjudice - There is a long evaluation period before I add a belief to my system..Not to mention the fact that I am half Japanese, we only take issue with other Asian races. So there. I've been wishing Otis was a ventriloquist dummy, oh the trouble he would get us into at Wal-Mart. I think too he could get away with just about any crazy sexual advance towards a woman, I'll bet they'd think it was cute. Otis already has a Twitter page, he can be reached at @EbonyWood, and he may even get a Facebook page.
I thought I might take some time to share a few updates about the contents of previous installments. First, this whole "manopause" thing from part 32 is grating, it is not to my liking one little bit. I turned fifty one a few weeks ago while still not having been able to wrap my mind around being fifty yet. We just spent countless hours arranging Susan's new place to her satisfaction, but what's the point if we can't enjoy it the way we used to? Even five years ago I would have taken her from behind in every room of the house not unlike an adolescent baboon on 300 mg of Viagra. Instead we are perfectly content to try to get a good nights sleep.
In Part 12 I mentioned how as we approached December 21, 2012 there would be a type of craziness exhibited regarding the end of the ancient calendars on a scale heretofore unseen. Again this is nothing new to me, I first heard about this over thirty years ago on an episode of the great series "In Search Of" narrated by Leonard Nimoy. (which is being released on DVD for the first time next year with new updates on the phenomena covered by Nimoy himself !). The momentum is hastening, there are some 30,000 people sitting in a commune in France right now waiting for aliens to come and take them away. 30 thousand imbeciles waiting for a UFO....now the ten thousand hits on the site seems rather paltry. You've probably heard the argument that nothing is going to happen because the Mayans didn't take leap years into consideration so the date has already passed. Whatever...nothing will happen. I'd like to share my final thoughts on the matter.
One of the reasons nothing will transpire is for the simple reason that human beings are animals. Higher on the evolutionary scale certainly, but still animals. We don't like to admit it, many deny the evidence that is in front of their faces. Members of our species get the occasional back ache sometimes because we are still relatively new at walking upright. There continues to be many babies born with a vestigial tail, in fact there may be as many as 12 million of them on the planet at any given time. So the idea of a human society predicting a catastrophic event is simple two chromosomes away from a chimpanzee hubris at its finest. This whole issue amounts to nothing more than ignorance and superstition. But the bigger reason is that our vast universe has no concept of time, chronology is a man made concept. Secondly, the universe is entirely unaware of our existence, and even if it somehow knew it has no reason to give two shits about us. We are quite entirely insignificant. I know it can be scary, that is why so many turn to a God. Less introspection is much more comforting. Nuff said.
Finally, if you are familiar with this site you have read my thoughts on organized religion. I would submit that the political environment and issues in the U.S. Presidential race are at their core Bible based. I have mentioned a religious war, and that is what is being waged here. The Republicans, and to a lesser degree the Progressive Conservatives here in Canada, are trying to take away or deny people their rights. The entire basis of their arguments are Christian based, separation of Church and State be damned. It must be nice to have the luxury to favor blind devotion over critical thought, but also the cruelest betrayal of intellect. On the table are such morsels as a woman's right to choose what she does with her own body, and the gay marriage issue. Of course homosexuals and abortions are a no no unless, presumably, you are aborting a homo. Don't laugh I wouldn't be surprised if some Christian scientist is looking for a way to find the "screaming bender" gene in utero to take care of this inconvenience once and for all.
I fear that President Obama may have dealt himself a serious blow with his support of gay marriage, it may actually cost him the upcoming election. How is this possible you ask? The answer is simple, never underestimate the power of ignorance, hatred, and blind faith. "But Jim", you say, "surely he will now get the gay vote"? Well certainly he will, but that is statistically approximately 10% of those who will actually vote. He has also ostracized the bible thumpers and the homophobic whose numbers I believe far surpass that percentage. The same people that vote in the election are the same folks who didn't vote for Adam Lambert on "American Idol" when it was revealed he was gay (duh). Look how that worked out.
The cretinous Rush Limbaugh who is, sadly, the voice of a great many Americans of his ilk stated that Obama has declared war on traditional marriage. That's what it always comes down to isn't it - traditions, traditional values, traditional marriage? Many traditions have passed unnoticed, perhaps it is time to bring some of those back too. We could start by repealing suffragette, after all there was a time not so long ago that a man's wife was considered chattel. Shall we stone adulterers? If one sees a gay couple walking down the street should he be able to smite them with the jawbone of an ass? Why is it I wonder when they are looking to the Bible for their cherished traditions they always choose them from the old testament? Why the one with the crazed jealous, wrathful God? Wouldn't you rather choose from the new testament where Jesus preaches peace, love, tolerance, and understanding? If we are to take those ancient laws as sancrosanct then we're all fucked anyway because of our Onanistic tendencies. That's right if you're a male whose tugged one out, or a woman who has tweaked the bean your reservation to Hell is booked. But the sin of Onan has many interpretations apart from simple masturbation (just like every passage in the book). It can include sodomy which in itself can entail deviation from the "natural position"- face to face contact with the female on her back, any copulation that does not involve vaginal penetration - oral, anal, titty fucking, spilling your seed upon the ground - pulling out or whacking it, copulation with an "undue sex" - homosexuality, and copulation with non-human creatures - beastiality. Now I can't say I've ever met anyone who doesn't fall into one of those categories. But it gets worse, there are branches of Christianity who take it farther. Evangelical preacher Micah Armstrong has broadened the reasons to occupy Hell to include such things as smoking, playing sports, owning a pet, immodest clothing on women - any dress above the knees, etc. etc. ad nauseum. If you watched the spectacle that was the 2012 American primaries you were no doubt aghast at some of the attitudes and beliefs on display by those who wanted to be the President of The United States. They would have us back in the dark ages folks.
The religious right seem to lack the basic understanding that the opposite of tradition is called progress. Society like everything else on the planet evolves, if something doesn't work we modify it for the betterment of all. Note the part about betterment for all. Recently one of those States that I will never visit, you know those ones that begin and end in a vowel, was trying to pass a bill that would effectively allow the bullying of homosexuals. Just what the fuck is wrong with these people? They scare me, and they should scare you too. There is a reason that Church and State cannot overlap, it must be made clear to these people that the U.S. and Canada are not "Christian Nations", and the changes they propose do not fit in with the Charter of Rights, the Constitution, or the tenets of religious freedom for that matter. People in North America must have the right to live their lives the way they see fit without the influence of Christian Doctrine or else the "E Plebnista" is meaningless. I've said this before, but it bears repeating - if you wish to live a Christian lifestyle go ahead and do so, that is your right. Please show those who don't the same respect, it really is that simple. Our souls and our bodies are ours to do with as we see fit, if indeed you are right then we'll pay for our sins. Again it is not your concern.
Make no mistake about it. Though it may not be a Christian Nation, it will be if we are our usual apathetic selves and let them have their way.
This woman perfectly exemplifies what is wrong with organized religion, she can't mind her own fucking business. Not that I would personally, but if I was going to watch some porn on a plane there would be no volume and I would be pretty damn careful that my laptop or pad was angled in such a way that other airline guests wouldn't know I was doing so. Picture in your mind the last time you flew. What do you notice about the seat in front of you? The back of the fucking seat right? You can't even tell if the person in front of you is male or female, let alone what they are doing. You would have to either stand and look down at the occupant or try to peer around the side of the seat to get any idea of their activities. Which must have been what she did. As to the assertion of age, I'm sure these oriental girls were of the age of consent. Many men like this type of girl because they tend to look younger, that's kind of the point. I could get into a diatribe here about the false premise that porn objectifies women, and the only gun held to their heads is metaphorical. I could rightly point out that it is simply a business in a market economy, supply and demand - if no one wanted it, no one would produce it. But the point here is that this bitch went out of her way to find the very thing she crusades against, while invading this man's privacy. Then she has the gall to be outraged that no one cares. This is the reason the Christians are on the offensive. They simply cannot believe that no one cares. They see their way of life threatened by a society that wants to choose its own moral path and destiny. They deny the inevitability that Jesus Christ will one day take his rightful place with other forgotten Gods like Mithra and Pan. They know they are losing the battle, thus their apparent desperation. In saying this I am not an instrument of evil. I am not under Satan's influence. I am a rational, ethical human being.
Sometimes I wonder why I bother, it is impossible to change a person's belief system. I guess the most one can do is muster a rallying cry to get people off their asses to try and make a difference. Happiness is elusive and fleeting. All people should have the basic opportunities to live their lives the way they see fit, and find hapiness without interference from government, organized religion, or any other pressure group.
In Memory Of Christopher Hitchens 1949 - 2011
P.S. You looked up Otis on Twitter didn't you, you sick bastard?
P.P.S. I just checked and there are actually seven people who use the name @EbonyWood on Twitter.....