Thursday, November 4, 2010

Part 16

What follows is a reprint of the interview I did with Playboy magazine some time ago, it went largely unnoticed as it was included in the issue that featured "The Girls Of Value Village".

Playboy: James you're approaching your 50th year. There are some who say your best work is behind you. How would you address that.

J.S. Well, I don't know where you got that from. Anyone who knows me knows that my best work is behind Sue.

Playboy: On the subject of age, what changes do you find as you get older ?

J.S. Hmmm, I'd have to say the first thing you notice is that there aren't as many mornings when you wake up with a rigid custard chucker. Strangely, now that I no longer drink there aren't as many morning piss hard ons either. I don't miss those, I mean you can't piss till it goes down and it won't go down till you piss, thank God for sinks !!!

Playboy: Uh uh, anything else noteworthy ?

J.S. Well mortality obviously, the young man never thinks of it, the older man can't stop thinking about it. Having had my own close encounter with it, I find I no longer fear it like I used to. The Captain Kirk in me views it as the greatest adventure one can go on. No one, and I mean NO ONE knows what happens when the body dies. Fuck all that nonsense about near death experiences, walking into the white light and what not. It's far too easy to explain away. The brain itself is fully functional up to eight minutes after the heart stops, and even then is giving off waves for up to another thirty seven hours. It just seems to me that people who die and are brought back conveniently see what they want to see, or what their conscience tells them to see. Were there any truth to it wouldn't all these experiences be identical ?

Playboy: You are a self described atheist, what made you choose this path ?

J.S. I'm glad you asked. First let me explain my philosophical position, as I said earlier no one knows what happens when we go. The Christians dogmatize it, thus the principle of faith. Their belief in something that cannot be verified. Yet if the Bible is what it is claimed to be that would negate faith. Faith is everything to a lot of Christian churches, it even wiped out miracles for the Catholics. Miracles undermine faith. Faith is convenient for stringing people along that really have some inner need for there to be something. Just believe and keep those donations rolling in. Tithe, Tithe. So my stance is that if it's unknowable I'm not going to spend a lot of time worrying about it. The term atheist is the one I go by not because I don't believe that there are Gods or a God, as I said I don't know, but because of my belief that no sentient creature has dominion over another. There is no God for me because I do not recognize that authority. Even if there were a grand creator that doesn't give he, she, or it any special priveleges. As the old saying goes, "Gods are only Gods if there's someone who believes in them", just ask Pan or Zeus.

Playboy: As such do you belong to any Atheist groups or organizations ?

J.S. I usually defer to Groucho Marx on this one, but no. I don't involve myself in anything organized. When there are more than two people involved in anything it is inevitable that politics enters into it, and corruption follows. Hierarchy and power struggles ensue, unfortunately it is the human way. You can apply this to everything from a fan club to charitable organizations.

Playboy: You've often been described as angry, how would you address that ?

J.S. I'll ask you how anyone with an iota of intellect can look around them and not be angry ? Our Western society turns to shit by degrees daily, and we've become so inured to it that we've become placid and docile. The government fucks us, we take it. The religious right start imposing their beliefs subtly we take it. Political correctness abounds, we take it. Bleeding hearts have fucked up our justice system, we take it. There is now no way left to punish improper behavior. You can't spank a kid, the strap has been removed from schools, so we are left with time outs. Parenting skills have largely gone by the wayside leaving kids with the TV, gaming console, and PCs to fill their time. Teenagers are raising children, that's a good sign. White trash begat white trash, etc. ad nauseum. Our young offenders act is a joke. It would be different in Jim's world.

Playboy: How so ?

J.S. We take what has been proven to work for centuries and throw it out the window because we should be enlightened. I personally would see the death penalty reinstated in cases of first degree murder. Forensics, and DNA can pretty much eliminate the big argument against it of getting the wrong guy, and the burden on the taxpayer is reduced. It would also free up jail space for those guilty of lesser offences, so that we don't kick them back to the street to make room just to have them re offend. Rehabilitation works...rarely. Has our new found "enlightenment" reduced the rate of recidivism ? Not a whit. Now before you start bitching about their rights remember that society determines your rights. If you decide to rape and kill a young woman, or saw someones head off in a Greyhound you have no rights. I don't give a shit about your upbringing, or what mental disorder a paid psychologist for the defense says you have. You committed the crime, pay for it. The young offenders act would be the next to go. Should a fourteen year old who dismembers his parents be given a free pass ? I don't fucking think so, even animals know when there is something not right with one of the herd. They do something about it, so should we. Youth today have no idea that there are consequences for their actions, we've removed them all. To answer your question, anyone who reads the paper or watches the news should be seething.

Playboy: Some might find that harsh.

J.S. Jim's world is a harsh place. If we went to war the first people conscripted would be high school dropouts and young people serving time in our prisons. (A nod of the head to Clint on this one). All compensation would cease to the Natives of this country. This one is tricky because we did sign papers and give our word, it would in essence make us Indian givers. If you actually look at it, we are giving them money to be out of sight, out of mind segregated on a reserve. But I feel it is the only way to let a once proud people begin to stand on their feet again. If they don't like it, they should have fought harder. I think it is important for a conquered people to remember that indeed they were conquered and that, traditionally, the conquered are guided by the will of the conquerers. You listening Quebec ? Don't get the impression though that Jim's world is without benefits. If I had my way the penis would be measured from the anus to the tip.

Playboy: Will we see you run for political office anytime soon ?

J.S. Ha, or should I say, "LOL". I couldn't be bothered, I plan to take however many years I have here and observe with morbid curiosity the continued decline.The world today is a place where common sense is now uncommon sense, stupidity is revered, and we have no ethical compass. Harlan Ellison said it best, "I love mankind, it's the individuals I can't stand". In an age where our technology is freeing us from borders both intellectual and physical, we squander it. The computer puts all of mankind's knowledge at our fingertips, we surf porn. In fact, the popularity of texting exemplifies some of the inherent problems in our nature. It spotlights people's inability to spell whether that arises from flaws in our educational system or a lack of deisre to learn, both are equal evils. Then there is the creation of a neo texting language which demonstrates laziness and utter disregard for the Mother tongue. One could argue that it makes texts faster and easier, well lazy what's the hurry ? What are you rushing toward that's so damn important ? Clubbing, the tattoo parlor? Fuck me !

Playboy: Any other changes come to mind ?

J.S. Just that people stop mind each others business. Live and let live, it's pretty fucking simple. Don't impose your beliefs on me. Back to religion, every religious prophet has some very important things to say about how to lead a good life and to coexist with others. The exception being this new Jayzus who hates fags and black Presidents. It's important to remember that many philosophers and authors say these things as well. They are just words designed to help us thrive and survive. Everyone has a right to live their lives the way they see fit without pressure or ridicule, they can practice any lifestyle they choose. Leave me alone, and I'll leave you alone. That in a nutshell is Jim's world.

-James Saito