And now for your enjoyment a small tirade entitled:
Reflections Of A Libertine
I have two weddings to attend in the weeks ahead, and it has caused me to ponder what I have learned about relationships in the last almost half a century. The first thing that keeps popping into my head is a scene from “Little Miss Sunshine” where the Grandfather is advising his Grandson to, “Listen to me, I got no reason to lie to you, don’t make the same mistakes I made when I was young. Fuck a lot of women kid, not just one woman, a lot of women”. It just seems to me that the greatest regret a lot of people will have is that they didn’t sow their wild oats. Men and women alike, let’s not concern ourselves with the labels that somehow become associated with such behaviour. It is, after all, a biological imperative. More so for the male of the species, diversity in the gene pool fairly demands it. Don’t get me wrong I am not advocating irresponsible behaviours, but if two people willingly engage in consensual sexual congress it is the most natural thing possible. The most unnatural thing possible is for two inexperienced virgins to tie themselves together at the hip for the rest of their natural lives. I’m trying to conjure the proper word…….retarded seems the most apt to describe this. It takes a person a long time to figure out just exactly what floats their boat. A young man might leaf through an issue of Hustler and think to himself, “I like big fake tits”, but would never know for sure until he was fully accustomed to them. After all, one can see a 1967 Mustang in a car magazine and like it, but if you bought it without test driving it first you’ve placed yourself firmly in the moron seat.
To be truly happy in a long term, committed relationship you should have come to it from a place of knowing what is needed from a partner. This requires experience, you have to know what you want. The tiniest details are important. Let’s continue with the breast. When we are born we have no choice, it doesn’t matter if Mom has ape tit, aureoles the size of coffee saucers, or inverted nipples we have to suckle it just to survive. Which is why with the myriad of breast shapes, sizes, and appearances, knowing what we like is of paramount importance to our future well being. Live and learn. Let’s face it, there are some hideous fun bags out there, the kind you’d rather chug a bowl of curdled monkey spunk than put in your mouth.These are a perfect example:
Any fool can, with enough practice, undo a brassiere with one hand, but true skill is required to do it back up the same way.
The same goes for the vagina, we have no choice about the one we emerge from, but must be discerning about those we subsequently enter. Again, the man who likes large meat curtains will be left forever wanting if his spouse doesn’t have them.
You may be saying, “But Jim you’re putting a lot of emphasis on the physical aspects of a relationship, surely there’s more to it than that. It can’t be as simple as does she spit or swallow". But it is exactly that simple.
Saito’s Rule Of Love # 1 goes like this. You must dig 80% of the other person’s shit 80% of the time or the relationship is doomed. Saito’s Rule Of Love #6 states that when one person in a relationship decides there could be an alternative to that relationship, said relationship is over. These two rules are interrelated.
A man and woman hook up. On the evening of their initial foray of hide the salami they undress. He has a concave chest, is essentially hairless, and has a veiny, uncut, smallish dong. She has flapjack titties, hammer toes, and a bush that just won’t quit. They are essentially the antithesis of what the other person finds desirable. Even if these two get along on all the essential levels, have the same goals and values, how long will this last? And if it does, how long before one of them cheats on the other?
This is probably going to sound sexist, oh well. A man wouldn’t buy the first car he looks at any more than a woman would the first purse she sees. For every man that wants a woman to use his mouth as a toilet, there is a woman who wants to. See how I cleverly bridged these two experiences…I guess what I’m saying is you’ve got to look around. You can’t settle.
I’ve been lucky enough to find a partner that meets all my needs, physically, mentally, and emotionally, but it took over 40 years to find her!!! I shake my head in disbelief at today’s youth who want that one person right away. The 20something’s rushing to the altar because no one has ever had a love like they’ve found. The young ones that look down their noses at their elders because they’ve gone through their share of divorces seemingly unaware that they are tomorrow’s statistics. It is said we have one go at this life, though that isn’t a certainty (note to pious, faith does not = certainty). One should make an effort to get it right, to derive contentment. Denying oneself the essential pleasures necessary for happiness is a disservice to self and others. There is no secret to why spouses cheat on one another, they are not getting what they require at home. It is as simple as that, and if you think whether she swallows or not is immaterial give your fucking head a shake. There are many reasons for marital discord, sexual or spiritual incompatibility, diminishing romance, the cessation of meaningful communication, etc. etc. ad nauseam. My point is know these things going in, each partner must have the appropriate self awareness or else chaos ensues.
The sorriest thing I can think of is someone lying in their death bed thinking, “I should have tasted more of what life had to offer”. I won’t let it be me, don’t let it be you.
Reflections Of A Libertine
I have two weddings to attend in the weeks ahead, and it has caused me to ponder what I have learned about relationships in the last almost half a century. The first thing that keeps popping into my head is a scene from “Little Miss Sunshine” where the Grandfather is advising his Grandson to, “Listen to me, I got no reason to lie to you, don’t make the same mistakes I made when I was young. Fuck a lot of women kid, not just one woman, a lot of women”. It just seems to me that the greatest regret a lot of people will have is that they didn’t sow their wild oats. Men and women alike, let’s not concern ourselves with the labels that somehow become associated with such behaviour. It is, after all, a biological imperative. More so for the male of the species, diversity in the gene pool fairly demands it. Don’t get me wrong I am not advocating irresponsible behaviours, but if two people willingly engage in consensual sexual congress it is the most natural thing possible. The most unnatural thing possible is for two inexperienced virgins to tie themselves together at the hip for the rest of their natural lives. I’m trying to conjure the proper word…….retarded seems the most apt to describe this. It takes a person a long time to figure out just exactly what floats their boat. A young man might leaf through an issue of Hustler and think to himself, “I like big fake tits”, but would never know for sure until he was fully accustomed to them. After all, one can see a 1967 Mustang in a car magazine and like it, but if you bought it without test driving it first you’ve placed yourself firmly in the moron seat.
To be truly happy in a long term, committed relationship you should have come to it from a place of knowing what is needed from a partner. This requires experience, you have to know what you want. The tiniest details are important. Let’s continue with the breast. When we are born we have no choice, it doesn’t matter if Mom has ape tit, aureoles the size of coffee saucers, or inverted nipples we have to suckle it just to survive. Which is why with the myriad of breast shapes, sizes, and appearances, knowing what we like is of paramount importance to our future well being. Live and learn. Let’s face it, there are some hideous fun bags out there, the kind you’d rather chug a bowl of curdled monkey spunk than put in your mouth.These are a perfect example:
The same goes for the vagina, we have no choice about the one we emerge from, but must be discerning about those we subsequently enter. Again, the man who likes large meat curtains will be left forever wanting if his spouse doesn’t have them.
You may be saying, “But Jim you’re putting a lot of emphasis on the physical aspects of a relationship, surely there’s more to it than that. It can’t be as simple as does she spit or swallow". But it is exactly that simple.
Saito’s Rule Of Love # 1 goes like this. You must dig 80% of the other person’s shit 80% of the time or the relationship is doomed. Saito’s Rule Of Love #6 states that when one person in a relationship decides there could be an alternative to that relationship, said relationship is over. These two rules are interrelated.
A man and woman hook up. On the evening of their initial foray of hide the salami they undress. He has a concave chest, is essentially hairless, and has a veiny, uncut, smallish dong. She has flapjack titties, hammer toes, and a bush that just won’t quit. They are essentially the antithesis of what the other person finds desirable. Even if these two get along on all the essential levels, have the same goals and values, how long will this last? And if it does, how long before one of them cheats on the other?
This is probably going to sound sexist, oh well. A man wouldn’t buy the first car he looks at any more than a woman would the first purse she sees. For every man that wants a woman to use his mouth as a toilet, there is a woman who wants to. See how I cleverly bridged these two experiences…I guess what I’m saying is you’ve got to look around. You can’t settle.
I’ve been lucky enough to find a partner that meets all my needs, physically, mentally, and emotionally, but it took over 40 years to find her!!! I shake my head in disbelief at today’s youth who want that one person right away. The 20something’s rushing to the altar because no one has ever had a love like they’ve found. The young ones that look down their noses at their elders because they’ve gone through their share of divorces seemingly unaware that they are tomorrow’s statistics. It is said we have one go at this life, though that isn’t a certainty (note to pious, faith does not = certainty). One should make an effort to get it right, to derive contentment. Denying oneself the essential pleasures necessary for happiness is a disservice to self and others. There is no secret to why spouses cheat on one another, they are not getting what they require at home. It is as simple as that, and if you think whether she swallows or not is immaterial give your fucking head a shake. There are many reasons for marital discord, sexual or spiritual incompatibility, diminishing romance, the cessation of meaningful communication, etc. etc. ad nauseam. My point is know these things going in, each partner must have the appropriate self awareness or else chaos ensues.
The sorriest thing I can think of is someone lying in their death bed thinking, “I should have tasted more of what life had to offer”. I won’t let it be me, don’t let it be you.
-James Saito
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