Sometimes during my musings I come up with the damndest things. Why just this past week I sat in my office, conjured up, and spit forth numerous entries to the lexicon of the ontologically perverse.
Susan often asks of me, “Why do most of the things you write about involve sex”? To which the only reply that occurs to me is that while other things of some minor import intrude upon my thoughts occasionally, as they are wont to do, what the Hell else would I think about? I’m almost 48, not dead. Indeed thoughts of sex come more frequently as I advance towards the grave, unfortunately I do not.
Having not googled this, but assuming that clowns have sex (the makers of pornography try their best to convince us that there are willing participants in this atrocity to the senses). Given also that this information is largely useless and creates unease akin to someone telling you your Grandma used to swallow, is it not logical to conclude that fully 10 % of clowns are homosexual? Further since we know two indisputable facts: 1). Only AIDS or a silver bullet will kill a homo and 2). The indigenous homo enjoys a fist in the rectum, can we not in this case employ the Aristotelian premise to assert with certainty that ergo homosexual clowns not only engage in, but quite fancy fisting?
Of course, the intelligent reader perceives where I am going with this. Yes, let us ponder clown prostate milking (CPM). Picture if you will a clown, he can be happy or sad, it is after all your imagination, on all fours. The little trap door of his polka dotted costume torn asunder the better to plunder…OK, enough of the Suess already. At first the fisting is rough, the clown performs antic gestures, making pantomime faces over his shoulder which only serve to further embolden the advances of his lovaaa. But then it happens, the ministrations grow more, dare I say, loving as the massaging of the prostate begins. It is gentle at first, but the clown betrays his desire for a more frantic pace with his little bicycle horn, until unable to stand it any longer he discharges into the front of his costume, soaking it at roughly the same spot where children rest their heads during a hug. Having said this, the question I pose is a simple one: When massaging a clown’s prostate does it make the same sound as someone rubbing a balloon?
(If you whacked or rubbed off whilst reading the preceding passage please remove yourself from my friend list immediately clown fucker !!!)
I have heard tell in my travels that there are those who dedicate themselves to becoming adroit milkers of the prostate (usually Registered Nurses) commonly referred to as “Prostate Milking Artists”, or (PMA), but more about this later….
The other topic that bears intellectual dissection is ostomy sex. Whether it be ileo or colo the phenomena is real, and appears to be here to stay. The fact that there are osteo boning marauders roaming our streets becomes a tertiary concern though in comparison to a relatively new practice commonly referred to as “going ostomy hole to mouth” (OHTM) e.g. “I once knew a PMA who went OHTM during CPM”. This should not be confused with "OHMSS" which is an excellent James Bond novel by Sir Ian Fleming. Oh I do so enjoy giving you text sex hotliners new information.
Having said all this I wish to dedicate this little piece of ribaldry to my friend LaHaine, sometimes referred to in hushed whispers in underground circles as “Clint” on the eve of his birthday. You see La, the presumptuous call him this to his face at their own peril, understands things like why the first thing we do upon emergence from the womb is cry. He enjoys the artistry of the written word, and has constructed a World in which he lives with its own rules, it’s own standards, it’s own ethics, and one which he allows the lucky glimpses of. Happy Birthday old friend !!! Throw a celebration to make the Gods tremble !!!
Susan often asks of me, “Why do most of the things you write about involve sex”? To which the only reply that occurs to me is that while other things of some minor import intrude upon my thoughts occasionally, as they are wont to do, what the Hell else would I think about? I’m almost 48, not dead. Indeed thoughts of sex come more frequently as I advance towards the grave, unfortunately I do not.
Having not googled this, but assuming that clowns have sex (the makers of pornography try their best to convince us that there are willing participants in this atrocity to the senses). Given also that this information is largely useless and creates unease akin to someone telling you your Grandma used to swallow, is it not logical to conclude that fully 10 % of clowns are homosexual? Further since we know two indisputable facts: 1). Only AIDS or a silver bullet will kill a homo and 2). The indigenous homo enjoys a fist in the rectum, can we not in this case employ the Aristotelian premise to assert with certainty that ergo homosexual clowns not only engage in, but quite fancy fisting?
Of course, the intelligent reader perceives where I am going with this. Yes, let us ponder clown prostate milking (CPM). Picture if you will a clown, he can be happy or sad, it is after all your imagination, on all fours. The little trap door of his polka dotted costume torn asunder the better to plunder…OK, enough of the Suess already. At first the fisting is rough, the clown performs antic gestures, making pantomime faces over his shoulder which only serve to further embolden the advances of his lovaaa. But then it happens, the ministrations grow more, dare I say, loving as the massaging of the prostate begins. It is gentle at first, but the clown betrays his desire for a more frantic pace with his little bicycle horn, until unable to stand it any longer he discharges into the front of his costume, soaking it at roughly the same spot where children rest their heads during a hug. Having said this, the question I pose is a simple one: When massaging a clown’s prostate does it make the same sound as someone rubbing a balloon?
(If you whacked or rubbed off whilst reading the preceding passage please remove yourself from my friend list immediately clown fucker !!!)
I have heard tell in my travels that there are those who dedicate themselves to becoming adroit milkers of the prostate (usually Registered Nurses) commonly referred to as “Prostate Milking Artists”, or (PMA), but more about this later….
The other topic that bears intellectual dissection is ostomy sex. Whether it be ileo or colo the phenomena is real, and appears to be here to stay. The fact that there are osteo boning marauders roaming our streets becomes a tertiary concern though in comparison to a relatively new practice commonly referred to as “going ostomy hole to mouth” (OHTM) e.g. “I once knew a PMA who went OHTM during CPM”. This should not be confused with "OHMSS" which is an excellent James Bond novel by Sir Ian Fleming. Oh I do so enjoy giving you text sex hotliners new information.
Having said all this I wish to dedicate this little piece of ribaldry to my friend LaHaine, sometimes referred to in hushed whispers in underground circles as “Clint” on the eve of his birthday. You see La, the presumptuous call him this to his face at their own peril, understands things like why the first thing we do upon emergence from the womb is cry. He enjoys the artistry of the written word, and has constructed a World in which he lives with its own rules, it’s own standards, it’s own ethics, and one which he allows the lucky glimpses of. Happy Birthday old friend !!! Throw a celebration to make the Gods tremble !!!
A little to the left, HARDER !!!
-James Saito
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